Ok—texting and flanterare so hard to get right. You don’t want to come across as an eager beaver, but the ice maiden vibe isn’t a good look either. How can you find abalance that is‘just right’?
Picture this scenario:You’ve clocked the new eye candy at work.Ta-dah!Or perhaps finally, the profile on the ‘app’ ticks all the boxes (that’s right: the height, the career; that blind date your friends have been banging on about turned out to be a ‘something’ rather than thatusualbog ‘vanilla’)!
PS. For those of you who have no idea what flanter is, it’s a combo between flirting and having banter—it’s gentle teasing with a big dose of flirtation. It’s important to get it right, especially the tone in which things are said (the last bit is tres important!).
Blue Tick’stop 5 golden rules
Rule # 1 – Easy Breezy. Applies to girls, especially (sorry, but it’s true).
A day is just a day. They HAVE NOT forgotten about you. I get it—there you are, skipping around the room pretending to be Mrs ‘xxx’ when,let’s face it, all it’s been is a light-hearted chat, a glare, or just a Snapchat!Keep yourself busy somehow and step away from your phone! Sometimes, a quick shower would immediately change my mindset and make me feel refreshed.
Instead of saying ‘When can I see you?’, say something like ‘Have you tried that new ice cream place that’s just opened?Everyone’s raving about it.’ That way, you’re being indirect but also planting a seed/prompting a response—see how it goes.Simple, I know, but so many of us (present company included) get it so wrong!
If you receive a ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ message,be careful! Are they looking for a hookup, or are they genuinely into you? Do not send a ‘Good, you?’ two-worder response or ‘Even better now I’ve heard from you’—say something like ‘Hey, good to hear from you. I am great! I’ve just finished a whole bunch of errands, and I’m looking forward to seeing friends later.’
Be busy! Don’t be too quick to ask loads of questions. I can assure you that if they are interested, even if you aren’t asking a question, they will still respond. In fact, as men are naturally the hunters, they enjoy the chase. Remember: Less Is More!
Rule #2 – Neediness.
‘Needy’is probably one of the worst things you can be. There is nothing more unappealing than someone who constantly seeks reassurance about whether you like them or not. The truth is, if they’re not prioritising you, and you are continuously contacting them, you’re being needy!
I really get it. I have been there.Now that sinking feeling is kicking in where you question whether you have been needy. You feel slightly mortified that you are the person I am referring to. FRET NOT—you absolutely can pull it back and get them running after you. Click here to read more.
*More to come on where neediness derives from.
Rule #3 – Less is more. A very dear friend of mine taught me that less is more.Why I ever doubted her, I don’t know, but she was right. Less IS more.The simpler the text conversation, the better. If you’re feeling insecure about where you stand, the worst way to communicate with them is via messaging. Pick up the phone or see them face-to-face. Do not turn a 99 into a knickerbocker glory.If you’re feeling a tad insecure, rein it in rather than spilling the beans. In most cases, it does work.
It seems bizarre, but when you do less, more actually tends to be the outcome. It’s like when you run to the shops looking (and smelling) like yesterday, and you bump into the cutesy neighbour who you don’t usually see. It’s the same with messaging and dating in general: People can smell intensity from a mile off, and it’s so off-putting.
The more mysterious and aloof you play it, the more appealing you suddenly become.I don’t mean if you are in a mood with them, and you throw one-worders such as ‘yep’, ‘k’, ‘uh huh’ that’s, yep, you got it, needy! Just say ‘Hey, I’m really good, thanks. Just with friends/family/working right now, catch up later x.’ That is giving you more control. It shows you are busy and not at home with Ben, Jerry, and Bridget! They will also realise they aren’t the be-all and end-all, so all of a sudden you go from being needy to being appealing by doing… less!
If you follow this rule, please let us know how you get on. If you would like more help on how you can do this, click here.
Rule #4 – Selfies…. Hmmm… If I were to mark this, this would be my feedback:
What went well:They see you with the most filtered, pouted, sultry look you can give (it has taken around thirty takes to get the perfect one). Maybe once you have been together and are an established unit,selfies may be a bit of fun. However,when you hit that send button,you absolutely have no clue where that picture may end up.
Even better: Don’t do it! Less is more— why give them a freebie before they have invested anything in you. Screen grabs mean that—literally within seconds—hundreds of devices could receive that image!
A small lesson for you: If someone asked you to take a pillow, release all the feathers into the open air, and then go and collect them all, would you be able to? Think about that in regard to the images you send out…
Rule #5- Emoji Overkill. Do not overdo it with the emojis—they can make someone cringe and turn them off. I mean, we don’t get exam qualifications in emojis—use traditional vocabulary.There’s nothing more attractive than someone who can articulate themselves properly.